I tend to have a hard time keeping up with blogs. Simply because the writing is more of a diary in my mind. Even when I kept one I would miss days, simply because I wanted to be able to sort my thoughts prior to writing them. I read blog, write posts, and keep them as drafts because of my tendency to need to perfect all that I write. That is the problem with writing essays for classes...I write and re-write about five times, just so I like it and hope that the professors (or whoever reads them) like them as well.
That is one of the major problems with writing. The audience must be in mind at all times, if you are willing to show off the work that you have put in. (I keep looking at my posts and say "I shouldn't write the word 'you'- Thanks to one of my professors :3) <<<<< [ brackets?]
There is never a "perfect" and the writer in me never listens.
Currently writing a novel and I have this systems going: The black text= keeping it where and how it is. Pink text= change word. Red text= added in words to review. Crossed off text= remove and review. Blue text= keeping text, need to move to different section. Dark Blue text= Review information, revise wording, and placement changes.
Pretty interesting huh? I find that it helps (also keeping a key is useful) when writing and revising. The curse of a writer is what I usually call it. That, and there is when you are constantly writing ideas for the next story, novel, or creation. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else really.
This system is how I manage to pass my courses. Organized to my eyes but looks chaotic from the outside looking in; something I love and adore. It is like my life and the table I have in my room. Books stacked in a specific (and memorized) order but if I shut off my perception for a second, it looks like I haven't cleaned in ages. {My Normal is Normal for me}
Drastic Subject Change>>>>
I know that a lot of people think "If you are such a writer, how can you not keep a blog daily or even weekly?" Well, that answer is simple: I am a fiction writer. I have a hard time expressing my thoughts of daily reality, so I mix in a reaper or two and create something that I believe expresses myself more than anything (Yes, I am currently into Romantic Sci-Fi ).
Even at a young age I did not like to write about myself. It wasn't until my junior year of high school that I started to write in a journal, and that was because of a class assignment. Before that, I was all about making up stories. Trust me when I say, I am a better fiction story writer/teller than when I try to recap on what happens in my life- I tend to kill the most funny of stories.
I guess what I am saying, is that I am really trying when it comes to writing in the and my other blog. It takes me a bit of time to come up with something that I feel is worth sharing. It may be one of my weaknesses [to blog] but I think I am growing as I try.
See. Right there, I lost my train of thought and feel like I should just continue with what I was saying before to try and pull back that thought......................Not working. Oh well.
Writing.
I think that if I would have given up that journal, those many years ago, I would have gone crazy with mixed-emotions. I will tell you this because I found it important to myself.
I was not a rebellious child in any sort.
I went to school, was in every extra-curricular activity (minus 1 >.<) including the only person who participated in solo singing competitions, always on the honor roll, model student-if you will. Very cheerful, sang all the time while I walked in the halls, friendly to everyone and greatly respected by them, and was so trusted by teachers that I was given permission to skip classes to help the elementary students in their classes or play with the kindergartners during their gym time. I would spent about 11 hours a day at school.
But my mind was not where most people would imagine (classic teenage drama). I did not like myself in any way, constantly compared myself to others, and knew I was the odd one in my family which didn't help my low self-esteem.
During my high school years, I became friends with my Math and English teachers, who were constantly able to tell that something was wrong even if I didn't let it show. When I was struggling with math and didn't ask for help (not who I am), he would sit next to my desk and say "I'm helping you because I know you will never ask for it." My English teacher would have me eat lunch a few times a month in the English room so that we could talk about books- which would somehow end up talking about what I thought about life in general. Their tag-team tactics of getting me to open up to someone helped me keep a level head in school.
Once I was open to the thought of thinking positive about myself and how I was living, we were presented with journals to write about anything. The teacher would not read anything we didn't want him to. So I let him read it all. He would leave helpful comments that I still treasure today. My math teacher said that he would read anything if we wanted his opinion or help with. I let him read it all too. They would both meet with me and talk about what I needed help with. It encouraged me to write more and more.
If you looked at my life and compared it to other people, you can see that I was helped with love and friendship. I don't want to say that I am better than anyone else but I don't do half of the things that other people do. No, my life is not boring but filled with natural maturity, innocence, and peace. Something I thought was left behind, in my childhood. It lives on.
So what, right? My story may not have the affect I would hope for but than again, I wrote it because I needed to hear it again. To remind myself of why I started writing again. Where I can go from here. To refresh my inner-me. People don't wanna hear about puppies and rainbows, they wanna read/hear conflicts and how they have been overcome. It's not a lifestyle but a necessity- to write.
See what I mean about rambling my thoughts? That is why I have a hard time writing in my blog daily/weekly. Sporadic is a weird word...I live for weird.
Keep writing...Keep living!
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