I am afraid of my parents. It's as simple as that. My mother is more outspoken than my father but that just means that my father has a more silent way of scaring me. My mother will yell when she is angry, my father will look at me angry. Now, my father is a quiet man. He doesn't yell or threaten in any way but when he looks at me angry...I just about wet myself.
So what does my fear of my parents and family times have to do with each other? Well, I am glad that you asked :). There was never a real rebellious stage for me. I loved and still love, to spend time with my family. I currently live at home and to the American culture that's "lame" or "pathetic" and maybe even, "not right" but in the Mexican culture, that is natural. Parents tend to keep their children close at home and keep watch over them until they are completely 100% absolutely ready to live their own lives. Even at this age, I know that I don't have all the answers. My older siblings being 23 and 24 live here at home as well and they are far from perfect as well. My parents want to keep traditions alive and flowing, they love us. Some people I have talked to, tell me about their parents making them move out and learn on their own and I appreciate that. I appreciate what my parents are doing even more. I sometimes have that mindset of just taking off and not looking back but then (because I have a lot of feelings) my emotions and long-term thinking kick in and I go back to doing what I was doing.
I am smarter than a lot of people and I am not bragging but informing. When I was in high school, all of my friends would talk about leaving and doing what they wanted...partying, drinking, smoking, getting tattoos, getting high, etc. And I was thinking "I am not doing ANY of that!" And I have kept to my promise. I also started thinking- I am going to go to school, get a great job, get married, have a ton of kids, and take care of my parents.- even after hearing all of the "fun" stuff my friends were going to do, I still kept my family in mind. They are still close to the top of my list of goals. I am currently going to school (thinking about changing majors) but I want to take care of my parents.
At home, I do a lot of helping around since I am only going to school and don't have a job. I want them to have minimal stress and more free time. Some people think it isn't fair for me and sometimes I think that myself. But when I think about my parents, I change my mindset. My parents had to deal with me the past 19 almost 20 years. The veryyyyyyy least I could do is wash the dishes or cook for them. They had to deal with a child who drank gasoline, who was suppose to be aborted because I would have "problems", Mexican child who lived in a 99% White country...not only that but I was a handful. I would spend about 10 hours a day at school-participating in all activities my school would offer. I am a very emotional person, which can't be fun to deal with and I know that. I LOVE MY PARENTS! They put up with me and STILL keep me in the house :).
Back to what I was starting with...culture and all that.
There was always a difference in what my friends' parents would do compared to mine.
- One of my friends didn't go home one night without telling their parents where they were: They were not allowed to go to a dance the following night.
- *What my parents would have done: Find me before curfew and take me home by force*
- One of my friends talked back to their parents: Their parents didn't say anything.
- *What my parents would've done: Angry face and well...chancla time.
- Getting a boyfriend b4 the age of 16: Parents wouldn't even know
- *My parents would know everything before I even got one
The list can go on and on, I know that the examples weren't that great but give me a bit of credit...this is the Internet!
What I am trying to say, is that there are tighter reigns on full Mexican children than on American children. The results can be seen all over Facebook. I am not saying that every Mexican-American child is a Saint of any kind. I am talking more about myself as an individual. My siblings are taking in both sides. They display different things from both cultures and so am I. I (more than them) show the Mexican traditions I was raised with.
They taught me not to care about what people think.
The other day, a friend of mine asked me why I wore make-up. I answered: To look good. He asked why do you want to look good? My answer: To impress myself. I wanted to impress myself! When I am applying make-up I think to myself: Yeaa, That looks good on me...I'm not trying to impress anyone today. And a lot of the time, I'm not trying to impress anyone at all. What is the point? I like wearing make-up because I like looking pretty for myself. I like comic books because they entertain ME. I love to sing because I like how my voice is. I don't have to try and impress anyone because the only person worth impressing is myself.
I used to have a low self-esteem.
Once my parents and other around me, told that I didn't have to please the world...I tried not to.
I am a people-pleaser so trying just comes natural but I am improving that part of me.
Yes, one day I will meet someone that I will want to impress. But I know that I will try to impress them with what I have and who I am. What I mean by "What I have" is not materialistic. I will impress them with my character, moral, daily appearance, my smile, and all that comes natural for me.
I Thank My Parents for showing me how to be.
~I am crazy, fun, optimistic, nerdy, smart, beautiful (both inside and out), creative, nice, sweet, honest, faithful, and more~
And that is all Thanks to the ones who brought me to this place...Not just my parents are to thank... I thank God for giving me my parents. and I thank myself for listening to them.
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